Wednesday, August 1, 2012


I was REALLLLLY dreading my birthday, yet again...

Thursday before my day was horrible...  Ok, not totally, but I was emotionally spent! I think we found out dad had cancer on a Thursday, my birthday...? Not 100% sure, but nonetheless, it was a bad day.  Curt was sweet and took the kids to FAM JAM so I could stay home and do nothing.  Well, I did some stuff, I couldn't just SIT...  I did for 20 minutes...

Why is it so hard for me to just SIT?

Friday was ok, it was tough, but not as bad as Thursday and Saturday was fine.  Woke up Sunday not feeling good, I was stuffy and Thad hadn't slept very well either...  He was starting to get a fever...

I ended up on the couch b/c I couldn't breathe...  Curt came out a little after 6:30 and was like go get in the shower, it will help you breathe....  I finally got in...  I heard the door but didn't think too much about it.

I walked out going to the kitchen and Kotah was literally guarding the door!  I was like whoa...  She said, you can't come in here.  I said ok...  Turned around and walked into the living room, I saw a car in the driveway and didn't recognize it...  i looked at Curt and said, what's going on?  he said go in dining room...  I walk in there and there is a balloon and I see Necie walk out.  She said go sit down, we got it. I came back to living room, and I said, who's car is that?  That's not Necie's car....?  He was like huh?  Then I see Carrie walk out!  :)

These lovely ladies made some eggs, had some bagels and fruit with juice...  It was so very sweet! I can't thank you friends/sisters (Mexican chocolate) enough!!!  <3  I was doing good, forgot about the bad of the day....  Then i sat down and all of a sudden it went downhill... fast...  I was dreading going to church, i didn't want to face anyone.  Most everyone knew why i didn't like my birthday.  Plus with Thad being sick...  BUT it was family Sunday and the older kids were going to help lead worship on a song or two...  So we all went to church and I just had Thad sit with me...  :)

Got through 1st service and we ended up staying for second so some of Kotah's friends could sign her cast!  :)  And we decided to just stay after worship...  We were thinking about leaving after their did their songs b/c we had a b-day party to go to at a friends house...  Not for me...  which is TOTALLY fine...  :)

Before the 2nd service started, I didn't see, but am assuming Michelle RAN in with 2 balloons, one of which is HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!  :)  I've NEVER gotten a balloon THAT big before!!!!  ;)  So that TOTALLY made my day right there!  Then I got some flowers with cards stuck in it from some friends...

Ran home to drop the stuff off, grab the watermelon and swim suits and back out the door to friends.  It was a great day!  They all asked why i was spending the day with them and their kids birthday party, but it really was a good day!  So glad to get to know them a bit better and look forward to more time spent with this awesome huge family!!!  :)

BONUS!!!!  Mexican Chocolate told me she would jump in pool fully clothed with me.  I said ok, let's do it.  She walked back inside and FINALLY she came back out...  We walked over and I was holding hands with DJ and he was supposed to be holding Necie, who I knew would back out...  She forgot who she was talking too....  ;)  HAHAHA!!!!  But she didn't get in, so Curt who was taping the whole thing (which is on FB...  ;)) gave her a little push to get her in...  then, we got out, and she pushed me in again...  Oy....  ;)  Our shirts were dry by the time we were ready to leave, but our JEANS (Hers were more like capris and mine were shorts...) were still really wet!  BUT it was fun!!!  :)

All in all, it was a good day!  Had to make sure Curt had enough laundry for this week since he is gone in MI for his DM Conference...  This should be the last FULL week that he is gone, in a long time...  Other than when we travel to China to get out littles!  :) I still did think about dad, and the bad news, but it was a little better than I thought.  Love how grief sneaks up on you... NOT....  It always comes when you least expect it, but I guess that's why it's grief!?

I'm so very thankful to my friends who I consider my family, who helped me forget the bad part of the day and made it good!  I love you guys!!!  It's hard for me to accept everything you did, I like to be on the GIVING side of things, not receiving... ;)

I'm so thankful that my dad is where he is now.  It was a fast cancer and I'm glad he is no longer in any pain.  It isn't always easy, I still miss my dad...  I don't understand how this grief works or why it comes certain days, but I guess we aren't supposed to figure that one out.  I'm trying to let it come and go, not hold it in.  I did that for too long and I know that my faith in my God is strong, I love Him and I thank Him for taking dad before he was in too much pain.  I think I was worried about what other people thought... Like, it's 3 years, you shouldn't still be grieving...  well, there are no time limits on how long this could be....  and I know my faith is strong, and I truly am thankful! Doesn't mean I can't miss my dad or cry b/c I miss him, it doesn't mean that I don't trust God...  It's just my human side that needs to grieve for him, no matter how long or short that be....  Still see a light bulb blow out and think of him, or see the time 10:17, dad's favorite oldies station was 101.7...  Every now and then i see the time 911 and think of him on that last night at home.  Where he did NOT want us to call, but then he said, ok, call, but tell them NOT to turn lights or siren on, I am fine, I can still breathe.  I don't want all the neighbors out.  Never forget, he was MAD that they came with lights!  They had a siren and stopped a few houses before mom and dad's!  ;)  Anywho...

Thank you for making it a good day for me!

To top it off, Dakotah decorated a cake for me and we had a piece before going to bed!  <3

No comments: