Tuesday, August 25, 2015

God's Plan, Not Mine

Thankfully God knows what He is doing...  Because I'm a little confused. Was upset and frustrated this morning to be honest.

Baby number 7 is due Sept 1. Found out last Tuesday that this lil one is breech...  Had an ultrasound on Wednesday at Milford to confirm for sure, and then another doc appt on Thursday for options.

Option 1 would be they would've taken me in last Friday or Saturday (the 21st or 22nd) and try to turn baby.  If baby turned or even if didn't, and everything was ok, I would've been sent home to wait it out.  If something happened, I would need emergency c-section.
Option 2 schedule c-section at 39 weeks or after.

I was not very comfortable with the first option, so I scheduled it.  They got me in today, exactly 39 weeks.

Finally got the call the night before to find out what time I was scheduled for.  All ready to go, at peace, not nervous, and ready!  This kid has been laying the wrong way and it has just been painful.  Not trying to complain, but being honest.  :)

Got to Kent and go through EVERYTHING, 2 bags of IV fluids, all the docs and nurses coming in and talking about what will happen, how they do the spinal, everything.  Up to the point of them about giving me the little 1 oz drink to help with the acid in my stomach from the c-section.  They get the sonogram machine and the doc looks for the head.  But the head it not where it was last Wednesday...  The baby's head is down and no longer breech! (not engaged, but down)  So guess what that means?  I go home.  They won't induce me, I'm 39 weeks, I wanted to be induced.  I was ready to have this baby.

The frustrating part for me was getting me all ready to go and then do the ultrasound...  Why not do that first? I'm in the 5%- FIVE PERCENT- of ladies whose babies turn.  Baby could turn back, but for now, I just wait.

I'm still barely at 2 cm and 50% effaced, which I have been since 37 weeks.

I had a few hours this afternoon to myself while the kids were playing and just sat and rested and prayed.

I know without a doubt that God has this! HE has me through everything!  No matter what happens.  I will continue to praise Him no matter what!  I was just having a human moment and not liking what was going on. I also had the thought that my old doc in MD would've let me be induced at 39 weeks, so I was frustrated that they were letting me go.

I understand and know surgery would be harder and recovery would be longer and harder.  I know that God is protecting me and this babe.  Who is very stubborn...  Takes after his/her father for sure, because we all know I am not stubborn...  ;)  haha

So while still tonight I'm slightly disappointed that there is still no baby and I was sent home, I will praise Him.  I will continue to trust in and on Him and know that He has brought me this far, so I know He has me and He won't leave me.  I don't always understand why things happen, or the way things happen, but I know that He is in control!  I deep down wasn't excited about c-section, never having one, I didn't really want my last one to be that way, but was ok with it.

I have a doc appt Thursday morn, and will go from there... Now I'm praying that they will induce me at 40 weeks since my mom will be here for sure.  If I go into labor on my own, I'm praying it isn't the middle of the night!  ;)

Oh and no, I didn't feel any extra movement for when this babe turned.  The nurse asked me and even the doc and I said no, I didn't feel anything extra.  Just the typical in consistent contractions and an elbow here and there.  But no extra hard movement or jumping around.  I have NO clue when this babe decided to turn!

God has had His in this pregnancy and continues to have His hand in it.  He does have a sense of humor...

Never a dull moment in the Cecil house...  ;)

God's Plan...

Ever been down one path that you think you are supposed to be on, and then God says, Hey, let's wait a bit for that path, I need you to go down this one instead first?

Yeah, that would be me. A year ago in June I had a friend come over because she wanted me to pray for her. I prayed over her and her family, and other things.  She then prayed for me, she then squeezed my hands and said God I don't want to say this but everytime I keep pushing it back you keep pushing it more. Please bless Mandy and open her womb and bless the baby she will give birth too.

As soon as she said those words I felt the holy spirit move in me, in my womb.  It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.

She very quickly said amen, and ran out the door.

I was alone. Curt was away on a missions trip with his work.

I wrestled with God that night, wrestled.  I kept saying God, this wasn't the plan, we are supposed to adopt or foster to adopt, or both.  There are so many kids out there that need a home, and I want to give them a home. remember God, one less?  

As if I needed to remind God about the one less?  He clearly knows what He is doing right?

Every time I said God, He kept saying, Trust Me, I've got this, you need to trust Me.

Finally by the time the sun came up, I gave up.  I threw my hands up in the air and said, ok, God, fine.  But You've gotta convince my husband, he will laugh at me.

Hubby got home later on Saturday and after hearing all about his stories and his trip I told him what happened.  He laughed, which I knew he would, because I was still thinking I don't know about this....  We talked and prayed about it...

Almost a year later and we find out we are expecting in January.  :)

I went through some appointments because the doc thought the baby was measuring small...  Finally saw the heartbeat and measuring at 6 weeks, breathe a sigh of relief. Then got another call that I needed another ultrasound because he was concerned.  I went for my u/s on 6-10 at the imagining center in Waldorf.  She kept asking me questions and I didn't see the screen, so I knew something wasn't right.  Then when she said, I'm going to go get the doctor and will be right back.  Then I knew I lost the baby for sure because I've never seen their doc.  He confirmed and said he was very sorry.  Then they asked me to wait in the waiting room so they could call my doc.  That wasn't so fun.  It was starting to register and the tears were starting to fall.  Finally my doc called me and I asked the lady up front if I could leave since they called me.  

I left, grabbed my kids from my friends house, then headed home.  Curt was supposed to be gone all week, but he was on his way home.

Love my friends, they had food all lined up for the week for us.  It was a huge blessing to not have to worry about dinners....  

Wednesday I had an appt with my doc who did an u/s and I got to see the lifeless limp baby, who looked even smaller than it did a week ago when i had seen the heartbeat.  He asked if I wanted a D&C or the pill, which he didn't fully recommend because it causes more cramping and more painful.  I said no to the pill but wanted to talk to my hubs about the D&C before I scheduled it.  He said ok, call us back and ask for so and so.

Went home talked and prayed and called the office back to schedule the D&C.  i waited all day.  Never got a call back.  So I tried again the next day at 8:15, 15 minutes after they open. Waited all day, never got the call back either.  So Friday rolls around and I'm too upset and tired to call them yet again.  I figured after 2 days, they should be calling me back.

Thankfully my mom was planning on coming this week-end anyways before she went to my brothers house.  She got here late Friday night.

Saturday I'm starting to cramp. Sunday a little worse...  Went to church, and feel ok...

About 4pm it started. Don't wanna gross you out but I passed the baby, and kept bleeding. I thought I was going to be done.  Nope...  At 8 I asked Curt to take me to the ER because I didn't think this was right to be losing this much blood.  The ER was really busy and as I posted there was  family there that had lost their little toddler.  Such heartbreaking news...  Kept praying for the family.  

Finally got in and had my blood taken..  I saw 4 tubes and said oh man, 4 tubes?  he said oh good, thanks for reminding me, you need 5.  I told him, I may pass out on you, I've lost so much blood already.

I got to tube 3 and said ok, not feeling good.  So he let me lay down and he finished up the other 2 tubes.  I had to get up to the bathroom, so after laying there for a bit, I went to get up.  Made it to the bathroom door, and sat on the ground.  I looked at Curt and said, I am sorry hun, I can't do this, and then I flopped over. I remember coming too for 2-3 seconds and then back out.  They got a full iv bag in me in about 10 minutes.  I was extremely dehydrated.  Lost alot of blood and blood clots the size of ping pong balls. I was in the bathroom every 7 minutes, literally...  When they hooked me up to heart monitor and blood pressure it was 73 over 59 for blood pressure and heart rate was around 110...

I got back to an ER room and had a cervix exam which the doc said I was over the hard part and should be better.  May still pass a few things, but it would be ok and not to worry.  She said it was "normal" to lose all that blood and the clots when having a miscarriage naturally. 

Had a follow up with my doc with the next day and my doc wasn't there, he had an emergency c-section, so I saw the PA.  She did an exam and an u/s and said that I still had a thick lining so I needed to have a D&C.  So I looked at her and said because your office failed to call me back I went through crap last night and still have to go through with this?  Again, twice? She apologized, but I couldn't hear it, or accept it.  I was honestly way too upset.  The night in the ER and what I went through at home was NOT what I wanted to go through.  Yes, I was at peace if it happened that way, but not my choice.  

She then gave my 800 mg ibprophen and one antibiotic to take 12 hours after the surgery to fill that day so I wouldn't have to do it on the way home from surgery. I got in the next day to have it done.

Got to the hospital and was cramping and had a major head-ache.  Doc came in and asked how I was and told him, then he asked if I got my scripts filled.  Since we had gone there before going to hospital, I said yes, and we showed him.  He then said, oh, um, only one antibiotic?  I said yes, she told me to take it 12 hours after surgery.  he said no, you need a week of that, not just one.  Plus you need another one to keep your cervix closed.

So I clam up, I'm mad.  Not only did I waste our time going to get the scripts filled before surgery, we have to go AFTER now to get them, and the PA didn't know what she was doing. He gets them written out and he goes, and the nurses come back in and get me ready.

Part of my didn't want to the D&C because I had one 11ish yrs ago.  I can tell you EVERYTHING they said and did and what I said and did.  I thought it was a curse that I remembered what happened.  I used to get nightmares about that day.  I went into deep depression with that miscarriage.  I was not as close to God as I am now, nor was my faith as strong.  Don't get me wrong, I've still got growing to do.  We all do if we are honest.  Everyday is growing closer to Him.  But then, I hated Him.  It was bad.  This time, I was praising Him.  Yes, it hurt and it still does, but I know without a doubt that God has this.  I don't know what His plan is.  But I have told Him, use me no matter the cost.  This was big.  I don't know how He is going to use this, and honestly, I'm totally ok with that.  Just knowing that He has me and knowing that I can lean into Him, and let Him comfort me.  To give Him all the praise even when it's hard.  And it has been.  Recovery for this one is NOT fun.  A nurse friend told me that since I lost that much blood that it could take me 4-6 weeks for recovery.  GAH???!!!!  WHAT????!!!!!!  My legs hurt, they need to be stretched, but when I try, I'm moving more than I should be, and so I bleed more.  It's a lose lose right now...  haha...  But again, I'm giving it to God.  He has it.  He has this all under control.  I may not like what's going on, but I have faith in Him.  I still have cramping and the raw scrapped feeling, I don't like that feeling.  Thankfully it's not all the time consistent, but it was.  It still hurts.  The 800 mg ibprohpen doesn't do anything for the pain.  It's not helping the head-aches I've been getting either.  I also got Vicodin from the ER, that didn't do anything either, and I took 2....  (Only b/c my nurse friend said I could!!!)

Oh, that was the other thing, I was at the Target pharmacy 3 times within 2 days, the pharmacist there made sure I wasn't taking certain drugs together that they kept prescribing me b/c they don't mix. Hmm, the doc didn't notice what he was giving me, or didn't pay attention to the drugs I already had?  

Anyways.... It doesn't matter at what point you lose you baby, it's still painful.  It hurts.  It doesn't make any sense to me.  But I don't have to understand why?  I just have to have faith and trust that God is in control!  And He is.  Thankfully!  ;)  I'm still going to have some hard days.  I may just start crying.  That's ok.  Grieving sucks sometimes. There really is no warning as to WHEN it will happen.  But if you see me start to cry, either ignore me, or give me a hug.  I may not even know WHY I'm crying.  ;)

Thank you to all who have sent encouraging notes and letters and messages, and those of you that helped with food.  You are a blessing and I am so blessed to have you all in my life.  Those meals where amazing and wonderful, more help than you know!

Many of you asked if you could help, and right now, I don't know how.  We are ok.  But I won't turn down a meal...  ;)

I'm still so weak and tired and just made a super easy dinner tonight of tuna.  (BLAH, but I ATE it..  protein...)  It took me long enough to make it because I kept sitting down, or I sat down to mix it up.  Kotah and Gavin have been a HUGE help, but was trying to let them be tonight.  Curt took off all last week, but is back to working this week, and at an overnight church conference right now.  Trying to drink lots of water and one vitamin water a day...  Trying to eat, but not hungry, or when I do eat, I can't eat much because I get full.  But will get there!  Keep looking at my kettlebells and want to get back to that, but just can't.  not allowed to do much of anything for atleast another 2 weeks....  Going to call and make a followup appt and then after that, I'm done with this doc.  My heart is softening a teeny tiny bit for forgiving them, but still not fully. I know you are supposed to forgive, but right now, I can't fully. I pray by the time I have to go back in and I talk to him, that I will be able too.

A few songs that have really popped out at me...  There are more, but here's a few...  Love the lyrics.

Your Hands- JJ Heller


I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking 
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking 
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still


Nothing Holding Me Back-

Now nothing is holding me back from You
Redeemer of my soul
Now nothing can hold me back from You
Your Love will never let me go
Verse 2
Thank You for Your death and resurrection
Thank You for the power of Your blood
I am overwhelmed by Your affection
The Kindness and the Greatness of Your Love
The Kindness and the Greatness of Your Love
Verse 3
Thank You that we’re living in Your Kingdom
Jesus You’re the King upon the throne
Thank You for the way You always love me
Now I get to love You in return
Now I get to love You in return
Bridge
Jesus, You make all things new

Praise Like Fireworks- Rend Collective

I lift my voice to praise You
I lift my voice to praise You
My concrete heart won't stop me
My concrete heart won't stop me

I'll sing like it's the first time
I'll sing like it's the first time
And leave behind the cynic
I leave behind the cynic in my soul

We're letting praise like fireworks
Loose from our thankful hearts

We're bringing You our praise, bringing You our lives
We're bringing You our praise, bringing You our lives
We're bringing You our praise, bringing all our lives to You

Through joy and pain we worship
Through joy and pain we worship
With heart and soul wide open
With heart and soul wide open

Your strength will never fail us
Your strength will never fail us
We're not lost in the darkness
We're not lost in the darkness
You are here

The Broken Beautiful-

That Your love will never change,
that there's healing in your name
That You can take broken things,
and make them beautiful
You took my shame
And You walked out of the grave
So Your love can take broken things
and make them beautiful
I'm better off when I begin to remember
How You have met me in my deepest pain
So give me glimpses now of how You have covered
All of my heart ache, oh with all Your grace
Remind me now that You can make a way
That Your love will never change,
that there's healing in your name
That You can take broken things,
and make them beautiful
You took my shame
And You walked out of the grave
So Your love can take broken things
and make them beautiful
You say that You'll turn my weeping into dancing
Remove my sadness & cover me with joy
You say your scars are the evidence of healing
That You can make the broken beautiful
You make us beautiful, oh oh
You make us beautiful


Joy- Rend Collective

The pain will not define us
Joy will reignite us
You're the song
You're the song
Of our hearts

The dark is just a canvas
For Your grace and brightness
You're the song
You're the song
Of our hearts

We're dancing to the rhythm of Your heart
We're rising from the ashes to the stars

You're the joy joy joy lighting my soul
The joy joy joy making me whole
Though I'm broken, I am running
Into Your arms of love


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Changes

Just keep thinking about this picture I took when we were in China.

Take a good close look.




Do you see it?  It's kinda gradual, but it's there.



One lady is dressed in the "traditional" old Chinese clothing....  Then the middle one is dressed a little bit more "modern", while the last "girl" is wearing short shorts and belly tight shirt.

When we were there we saw all three types of dress.  The younger generation was wearing more "modern" clothing.  It didn't match, and their shoes, holy cannoli, their SHOES!!!!  Never have I seen sooooo many types of DIFFERENT shoes!!  Even the MEN!  ;) Anyways, getting off point here...

And I am not posting this to get an argument on what I define as older, and what "traditional" clothing is.  I really could care less what you wear (but I won't agree with the skimpy clothing, but am NOT judging you!!!!), but my point is on change.  It changes over time.  Lots of things change over time.

Not just our clothing, but our time, we want things faster, and better, and clearer, and our food, same thing.

But what about our time with God.  Has that changed?  Do you now not have time for Him and your devos? What about working out?  Do you find the time for that too?

Since we want things NOW, and we are always in such a hurry, do we really take that time we need to SIT down and FOCUS on HIM?

What is your devotion time look like with Him? Do you do it first thing in the morning?  Or last thing at night?  I don't care when you do it, as long as you do it.  You NEED to find the time, or even schedule time to do your devos.  Not only that, but your work out.  I believe that you can't only just Spiritually feed your body, but you need to physically feed your body.  You do that by working out and watching what you eat.

What is taking up your time?

How often are you on Face Book?  Or watching a football game?  Or going to a football game? Or playing Candy Crush, or whatever the latest game is?  ;) or sitting on the couch watching a movie?

I'm not here pointing fingers at ANYONE!  And before you go saying, well that't not me!  I don't play Candy Crush, or I don't like Football....  I'm to blame just as much as anyone else.  At night after a long day of watching my littles, teaching them something, or so I hope I'm teaching them something, breaking up a fight between one or two or three or all six of them, getting one off the couch before they do a double back flip onto a pile of pillows on the floor, chase them before they run away, stepping on those nasty little tiny Legos, feeding them THREE meals a day, etc etc etc...  I get it, you are tired at the end of the night.  And you are tired when you wake up.  But I can guarantee you if you would set your alarm for even 15 minutes earlier, read some scriptures and even start small with a workout, your day will go so much better!

Start off small, like lunges, or squats, yoga, or my personally fav is the kettle bell. You can do all kinds of AMAZING workouts with just a tiny kettle bell!  And start off with a size (weight) that is good for you!  Anywhere from 5 lbs to 200 lbs!  Just START!  :)

I've been setting my alarm for 5:30-5:45am.  I get up, work out, then I do my devos and spend time in alone quiet prayer with God.  Ok, so some days it's not fully alone, but it's still what I need to start my day!  (My kids aren't supposed to come downstairs until 7am, but sometimes they come down a little sooner.  But they also know they need to leave me alone until I am done with my devos.)  Get a workout on and done, do my devos, pray, do facebook, and move on to making breakfast.  I can't tell you how much better my day goes!  BUT I will tell you if you are just now starting this, Satan will try to bring you DOWN.  He will tell you LIES to keep you in bed until you REALLY need to get up to get your day going!  Don't let him win.  He is a scumbag full of lies.  I have a pair of Red TOMS shoes, and I wrote on the bottom of them this verse: Romans 16:20 The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.
I love that verse! I also LOVE wearing those shoes!  The first time I wore them after writing that verse on the bottom, my feet felt HEAVY.  No joke.  We were also going through adoption process and was hearing all kinds of lies from him, so I wrote that on my shoes, b/c those were the only shoes I wore for the LONGEST time (it was also very warm outside...  ;) )

I want to set an example for my kids. They watch what I do. They watch what I eat. They aren't the only ones who watch me. I want my kids to know that they need God to survive! They need physical training too. They also need a good balanced "diet".  I don't like saying diet b/c it isn't a diet, I guess some say lifestyle. ;) I want them to eat healthy, so they feel good and not full on all that sugary foods and drinks.


Start them young... 

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6 ESV)

Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! (1 Chronicles 16:11 ESV) 

Ask God to help you. Not just in working out, but with getting your devos done, or even to get through the day, or sometimes the hour.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10 ESV) 

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (1 Corinthians 6:19, 20 ESV)

How do you start your day?  It is on a solid foundation? Not just physically, but Spiritually as well.

Again, not pointing fingers at anyone b/c I struggle too.  They say it takes 30 days to form a habit, make it a good habit that you form.  Schedule a time to do your devos and your workouts.  

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. (1 Corinthians 15:10 ESV) 

Monday, December 9, 2013

Mowing

(wrote this back in August... and left it...)

We are having mower issues...  As in, can't get the riding one to work.  It's been one part after another.  ;)

But have an awesome friend who won't give up and helping, well, let me re-phrase.  He's doing all the work, we just buy the part and stand out of his way!  :)

Anywho...  Mowing today, earplugs in my ear, drowning out noises...  Always do alot of thinking when I'm mowing, since I have to walk, it takes longer, which is TOTALLY ok!  SO not complaining here!  SUPER thankful I have legs to walk and be able to mow!

Just thinking and thanking God for slowing me down enough to mow.  Yes, I'm thanking Him for mowing.  It seems like life has just taken off.  No slowing down.  Even when we were on "vacation" I felt like we were going going going...  Again, NOT complaining b/c I was so grateful to be able to see friends and family!  But we got home, and bam, right back into our crazy life of appointments, getting this and that done and Curt's schedule just went crazy insane!  It never ends does it?  :)

So back to slowing down.  When was the last time you just sat?  Sat and prayed? Sat and thanked God for all He has blessed you with? Sat on your front porch, clearing your mind and not worrying about the laundry, what is for dinner, what work things you need to get done.

Everything now and days is fast.  Faster phone, faster computers, faster service for oil changes, fast food restaurants, frozen food/pre made food...  I could go on.

Now hang on, I do every now and then buy that frozen pre made stuff, but I much rather prefer to make something, so I'm NOT judging.  I'm just letting my brain go.  :)

I went and bought Taco Bell about a month or so ago.  Sitting in the drive-through lane thinking and watching the clock, starting to get annoyed that it was taking so long.  Um, wait a minute.  Did I seriously just complain that my food wasn't ready at this restaurant in less than 5 minutes?

Really.  Come on.  I don't want my life to be a blur.  I don't want to take things for granted. Seems like life in general is just more busy.  What happened?  We drive faster cars.  We buy things to make our life easier.

Which is ok, to an extent.  Just make sure you are taking the time you need and SLOW DOWN.

I have 6 kids, 2 whom need appointments quite often and one that has needed more care than I was hoping for.  BUT my God is AWESOME and has blessed us beyond measure!

Make sure you sit back and enjoy what God has blessed you with!  No matter what you are going through!  Find the joy and cherish it and treasure it!

Friday, November 22, 2013

Over a Year Now...

Wowzers!!  So much has happened since last blogging, I'm so behind!!!

Right after the last one back in July, I ended up taking Ella to see Dr Reilly...  He told me to go home, pack some bags and bring her back to be emitted... Long story, she got MRSA in that ear and needed to have surgery to clean the area and wash it out, praying that would solve the prob....

Dakotah's birthday, August, 21st, I had to take her back in.  They both had a hearing appointment and after showing audiologist, and making calls to assisting doc's, they said you need to bring her in TONIGHT. Exactly what I wanted to do on my daughters birthday!  :\ So, ate some cake, opened her presents and off I took Ella, back in.  Dr Reilly wasn't even in state until the following week...  :\  They gave her the antibiotics, and said they didn't want to remove the device until Dr Reilly came back in town, which means they wanted me to stay in the hospital that long...  I begged them to let us out by Saturday b/c I didn't want to stay there until Monday when Dr Reilly came back.  They let us go with the antibiotics at home, along with another strong drug.  A few days after Dr Reilly came back, we had surgery to remove her CI.  This is now her 5th surgery...  :(  She was such a trooper and did GREAT!!!!

I told everyone that would listen our story!  :)  From adoption to all the visits, etc...

Through it all, it was tough, but God is good. He is just so awesome and just and fair!  Yes, it was hard seeing my daughter go through all that, but I know that good can and will come out of it!  I just pray she one day understands that, or completely forgets it all....  God used us by telling others just how AWESOME He is, even when things don't seem so fair, or right.  I knew that God was with me the whole time, it's by His grace and strength that I made it through all that! I still praised Him through it all!

Fast forward a month and it's been ONE YEAR since we've been home with XJ and Ella!

Yes, it has been awesome and great, but it has been hard too!  Yes, God has blessed us so much!  But it doesn't mean there aren't hard times!  There has been laughter, tears, struggles, joys, growth, improvement and sadness.  Raising 6 kids is tough, but it is rewarding and I do thank God everyday that He trusts me enough to raise them!  That He trusts me enough to loan them to me to raise, to become God-fearing Men and Women.

They have all adjusted very well! But there are days...  Ella had reverted back for a good 2 months, where she refused to listen and would get that look in her eyes that she did when we were in China with her.  She started biting her toes and toe nails again, gross, I know...  ;) I know some people would say it's her age, but I won't agree with you on that one.  Adopt a child and then we can talk.  I mean no disrespect by that comment.  Yes some it has to do with age, but I also know how she was and how she can be when she doesn't want to listen, just be very defiant.  ;)  She is doing much better again.

Finally got all the kids in for annual check ups and eye doc appointments too...  Kotah is now wearing glasses, some of the time, and Thad got a new pair, but his are all the time...  Praying these new specs do the trick or we may have to talk surgery for his eye.  But placing that all in Gods hands!  XJ also needs glasses!  I'm pretty excited for him to get them and to see how much it helps him!  Just in walking even!  :)  Poor guy wasn't seeing very well, and I thought that was the case, but got caught up in all the hearing appointments, that that got pushed aside...  And I REFUSED to go back to LensCrafters!  Finally found an AWESOME doc, and she did GREAT with Ella and XJ!  I really didn't want to have to take them up to Children's for their eyes too, already taking Thad up there..  ;)

Homeschooling is going good.  We got gifted a desk top which has been a HUGE blessing since the older 2 do their work on the computer, it's an online curriculum. Will also get Skylar on there really soon too!  :) XJ, Ella and Thad are doing great at what I'm giving them to do!  XJ just needs lots of repetition. But he is learning and doing good!  :)

God is so good!  He has blessed us in so many ways!  Can't wait to see what else He has in store for our family!  I know He isn't done b/c we are all still breathing!  ;)  It may not make sense what His plans are, but I'm excited to do whatever He asks of me and my family!  I am Yours God, USE me!!!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Hearing Update!!!

Been a while...  sorry...  Life has just been super crazy...  not something I wanted, but it's my life right now, and I'm ok with that.  :)

Hearing appointments and speech have taken over our lives the last few weeks, and I guess month!

Ella had her left side re-done on 5-31.  She got activated on that side 7-2.  Things are going GREAT!  She did have some stitches that were sticking out, and emailed doc about them, and took her in last week and he snipped them...  Then I emailed him Sunday (3:30pm) about a spot that was about the size of a nickel, a bit bigger, but was big, pink and squishy.  I know, kinda gross, sorry.  ;)  He CALLED me that evening around 5:30, on a SUNDAY to talk to me about it, called in an antibiotic and said to bring her in Wednesday so he can look at it.  It's gone down a bit, but still there...

I joked with Curt saying that recovery and activation has been sooooo much BETTER this time around, something had to happen right?  :)

We have all our bills now from insurance from the surgery.  For the 3 implants, and hospital, rooms, etc, the total was over $335,000.00.  Yes, you read that right.  Go ahead, pick your jaw up, I'll wait.  ;) 

Yes, it's insane how much it all costs.  But we knew God would help and we knew that He was telling us to go ahead with the surgery. (this is NOT including Ellas re-surgery) We are still getting co pays and all from hearing check ups and then speech therapy...  But we only had to pay just over $6,000!  We got XJ's bills pretty quick, and was still waiting on Ellas, and it finally just went through!  Can't believe how awesome our insurance is right now!  I also know that God played a big part in this for taking care of us!  We are still tight b/c of some bills, but just can NOT believe we've only had to pay that much!  God is so good!  ALLL the time!!!  :)

Now, about Ellas second surgery.  Went into it by Dr Reilly saying he wasn't going to charge us.  But we figured the recovery room and all we would pay for.  We knew that he wasn't charging for his surgery, and he was pretty sure the processor would be covered b/c he had to get a new one for her.

When I took her in for her one week post - op check up, he told me, if you get ANY bill from that day, PLEASE let me know!  I said ok.

Well we got a few, we had already paid (Cheap ones...), and then we got one for the processor.  I sent it to him and he wrote back right away saying he would bring it to billings attention.

He told me when I took her in for the snipped stitches that he didn't want us to have to pay for anything from that surgery.  He said if it was his kid, he wouldn't want to pay for a mistake the doc made, and it was a crazy one b/c it just doesn't happen!  (the thin wire missed cochlea and went over her nerve that keeps her balance, and so when we went to get it activated, she went into a seizure like mode...)  He also told me that since that happened he will NOT use the processors with the thin wire, he doesn't want that mistake again.

I think he FINALLY gets it that we are NOT upset or mad at him for what happened!  He didn't know this would happen and he was already being cautious! Like I said before, I know God had a plan, and He provided for us. :)

I HIGHLY recommend Dr Reilly at the DC Childrens, ENT.  He has been FANTASTIC!!! 

When I sent him the email about Ella and the pic of her ear on Sunday, he basically told me (not being mean), but that I should've just texted him the pic and called him. But it was Sunday, and i wasn't going to do that!  Family time, but he took the time and called in antibiotic so we could start it right away.  He has shown soooo much concern for us, and I truly appreciate it and all he has done!

Taking her tomorrow to have the spot checked, then another hearing appointment, which is called mapping, next week.  She will have that side turned up one more time, and then they will both be at about where they will be.  XJ is pretty much staying the same volume as well...  Then they have another speech therapy next week. :)

Last week I was wondering how I was going to home school XJ.  Could I really do it?  just feeling down and discouraged... But after watching her work with him and getting a few ideas on how to teach him, I am encouraged and ready!  Keep REPEATING is KEY!!!  :)  I bought a few cheap books at the Target and Dollar Store to start working with him. I've never had to teach a child who is deaf and a little bit of a slow learner, but I can do this b/c God will equip me and give me what I need when I need it. I know without a doubt that God has called these 2 into our family and am super blessed to be their mom, forever!

I always said I didn't want to have to be going here and there and in the car alot, but God is teaching me some things on that!  :)  We've all spent alot of time in the car going here and there for their appointments, but I know this is a season, and things will slow down. 

BAHAHA, who am I kidding?  Cecil house slow down?  Ok, fine, maybe in my dreams!  ;)

Monday, July 1, 2013

How Are You Affecting Those Around You?

Ok, too tied to think if its effecting or affecting... And yes, frankly too lazy to look it up! ;)

Today we went to church, and then had to go get some paint to paint a "new" room for Gavin as a surprise for him when he gets home!!! :) My mom is out here for the week and she said ok, where do you want to go to eat? Thad and Skylar shout out Chick-fil-A!!! We said they are closed, it's Sunday remember? To which they replied oh yeah.

So mom was asking what else there is??? Then she said oh do you have a Panera? So I drove to the LaPlata one bc it's nicer and smaller and not as busy... We had thought about running to JoAnn Fabrics to get something but decided we didn't need to go out there yet, so all the more reason to stay in LaPlata! ;)

Trying to ask the kids what they want while 3 of them have to "pee REALLY bad!!!" So trying to get them to decide was  impossible... Finally got it and I took the 3 to the bathroom. As soon as I entered I heard a screaming/crying very unhappy baby...  I got one in and then waited for the mom and baby to exit stale so another could go in. My kids were being patient too.. Thankfully... ;)

She exited and saw me standing with my two waiting and kept saying I'm so sorry. I said its fine, no worries at all! 

She said a few other things and kept apologizing to which I said its no big deal. Trying to smile the whole time bc she's clearly upset, well maybe upset isn't the right word? Frazzled?

She was at the sink and I had one out standing with me and she said apologizing again and I said its ok! I have 6 kids, I'm a mom, I've had a newborn before, I know what it's like. She looked at me and said you have 6? She then looked at Ella and XJ and asked of they were mine to which I relied yes ma'am, we adopted them from China.

Let me just say that as soon as she walked out of the stale with this crying baby I knew I needed to talk to her.

I saw a rosary with a crucifix on it on her wrist. She then said she had 5 of her own and the one screaming baby boy was a foster child. They wanted to adopt but a few reasons didn't allow them too so they thought ok, foster to adopt. They felt this was Gods plan for them. 

I asked her what her name was, she told me. I said Carolyn, I'm praying for you. I'll be praying you have a blessed day.

She walked out and then came back in with a bottle she needed to clean and refill... She said oh, I'm in your way again, I said no you aren't. Take your time and get your son his bottle, we are fine.

She walked out then and I felt this tap on my shoulder... I said yes God? He said you have some cash, buy this family a gift card. I said uh, ok.

So I met my mom and Skylar and we found a place in the back to eat and I noticed this lady her foster son and daughter were sitting back there.

We got our food and started eating after we prayed... I felt her watching me and could see it from the corner of my eye but wasn't bothered by it.

I stood up to go buy the gift card so incase she left before us I could give it to her...

After a while her daughter came over and said excuse me miss? My mom was wondering if after you are done with your lunch if you could come talk to her?  I said sure, give me a minute. So I finished my sandwich and walked over to her table and sat down.

I laid the gift card on the table and she looked up at me and stated to say you don't, to which I raised my hand and said, don't. I know I didn't need to but felt called to, it's not much, but it should either get your whole family a free meal or super cheap. ;) I figured in my head how much ours was and added some extra bc we were missing some in our family! ;) I said if you are like my family you don't get to eat out much bc it's expensive! She shook her head yes and then said thank you.

Then she sat there and said what I have to say is so hard and I don't think I can say what I need to without crying. I, sitting there like uh oh, what did I do?! ;)

Then she said I've been trying to explain to my daughter a little about you and watching your family. You have a beautiful family. I just wanted you to know that you saved this lil boys life. I just looked at her like what?

She then said she had planned on going home right after lunch and emailing the social worker and telling them they needed to come get this lil boy, but after talking to me briefly in the bathroom, watching me with my kids, watching me sign to them and with them, she knew that she couldn't do that. She realized that these thoughts aren't her. She doesn't think like that. She doesn't care what defects a child has. She was thinking she can't handle his crying, she told me in bathroom that's all he does. Cries. She said something but I didn't hear it, but he is deaf in one ear and then his foot started shaking, she said see,? I don't know everything wrong with him and was thinking if they do allow him to be adopted by us would I want him before I know everything that's wrongs with him?

She doesn't know what the future holds for him, but she does know now that bc of seeing me and talking to me that she will keep him and pray for the next step instead of just doing it without asking God what His plan is.

I'm not writing this to say oh look what I did. I just wanted to share and felt led to share this. I was blown away by it all. I actually didn't have as much money as I thought and so I asked mom for a few bucks and would pay her when I got home bc I knew I had some cash at home. She looked at me and said sure.. I said feeling led to buy her a gift card I'll explain in the car... So she gave me a few extra bucks. :) (thanks momma) Then after I was done talking to her I went over to my family and I ate my few bites of soup. It was hard to eat bc I was processing it all, or trying to.

People tell you you may have impacted their life, or want to follow your example or your lead, but I've never EVER had someone tell me that I saved their sons life by that little bit of conversation in bathroom and my actions and love towards my kids.

Just bc a child has a disability doesn't mean you can't love them, teach them or raise them. Infact they teach you, they love you! 

I got in the van and just told mom everything that happened and was pretty much in tears. My mom was just about in tears.

All of this to say, are you living a life that is a good example to others? That they truly see the love of Jesus shining through you, so much that they notice it?

Now I've got days, days where Jesus' light doesn't shine through much bc of the way my day has gone or is going. I'm not perfect and I don't want to be. 

I didn't feel at peace about going on the missions trip. I felt bad bc the kids wanted me to go, but when I said I prayed and just didn't feel that God was calling me to go this time, they both said oh, ok!! Maybe next year :)

I know why. God had a plan and I needed I be home. 

Just think about your actions and words. They really do have more power than you may think they do.