Since I posted all about my grief turned into depression, I've gotten soooo many texts and emails! I truly loved reading them and knowing that it has helped some of you. It was SO hard putting myself out there like that, but I know without a doubt that God wanted me to. I felt a burden lifted off my shoulders, that's about the best I can describe it.
I can also say that my God has FULLY healed me of my depression! Seriously! How AWESOME is our God???? ALL praise and glory goes to Him!
Just the other day I saw the time was 10:17, my dad's FAVORITE oldies station was 101.7... :) Anyways, my point is, that I wasn't really sad. In times past I would see the time (when it said 10:17) and think of my dad and be sad, but this time, I was happy. Happy that my dad is where he is and no longer in pain. I got this peace, this peace that is completely indescribable! But a peace that filled me, a peace that can only come from our great God!!!
Lately I've had this peace and joy and love and strength just wash over me. Again, I can't even begin to describe it.
I know that God isn't finished with us yet... I'm also patiently waiting for that next step.. I don't know how soon that will be, but I know He's got another plan for us after we get our kids! Again, I don't know what or how soon, but I know He's got more for us. And I can say without a doubt, I'm ready. I'm ready to be used.
I just can't stop praising God! He is so good! All the time He is good and He is good all the time! Yes, we will have some down/bad days... for me lately the kids have been testing me, but you know what, I'm not letting it get to me... I calmly take care of them, and go on praising my God. Or my dryer die... I don't care... I'm going to just go buy clothes line and make my own dryer! ;)
Satan you can break my dryer, but you can NOT break me! You got me down and you ALMOST won when I was depressed, but guess what, YOU DIDN'T win and hear me now, YOU WILL NOT GET TO ME!!!! I'm going to ALWAYS praise my God, NO MATTER WHAT!!!! You hear me?
Seems like every time I go through something, like, my dad getting cancer, then him going Home, then with the grief turned into depression, every time I come out of it, I feel stronger and more at peace. I trust my God, He will never give me more than I can handle with Him. If that makes any sense? :) I don't like it when people say God won't give you more than you can handle. Well yeah He will, But He NEVER gives you more than you can handle without Him. No matter what you are going through, He's got you. He has a plan and let me tell you, you may not think so at the time, but his plan is PERFECT!!! hear me? His plan is PERFECT! When I was going through the depression, I KNEW He had a plan for me and that His plan is perfect. I didn't doubt Him. I knew He would use me... And I did find out that sooner than later that what I went through helped some, and that's all that matters to me.
Now you may ask, what about your dad passing away? how did He use that? Well, honestly, I don't know. Lots of things happened right before my dad got diagnosed and then again after. Like he lost his job, which really was a good thing, and then they found out they had cancer insurance all these years... My dad gave extra blood to help find a cure for pancreatic cancer. I don't know how much that helped, but I know it did. My dad also had his eyes donated, he was blinder than a bat, but he gave vision to someone who really was blind.. So with contacts this person can see using my dad's eyes. I don't know everything else, I don't understand fully why God called my dad Home, but I'm ok with it. I know that it's apart of His awesome plan and I fully trust Him.
We have to realize that what we want isn't what is always part of His plan. I do wish my dad could still be here, but I trust God. I just posted a verse on Facebook...