Wow, too many emotions going through me right now!
Thursday last week wasn't a very good day. The morning was super bad, then I get an e-mail and made it even worse! It didn't help that my morning was already going WAY bad...
Then Thad has been up a LOT during the nite, making me only get about 3 hours of sleep a nite.
Had to teach on Sunday, and my little precious munchkins (will not mention any names, but they start with a G and S!!!) were not listening, seemed like the class just didn't want to listen, but I kept on doing it! I felt like giving up, I knew Satan is doing everything and anything he can to get to me! He knows when I am weak.
Sunday nite we had everyone over from the Mexico Mission Team. We had alittle meeting and then I fixed supper. I made tortillas, refried beans, enchiladas, nachos, Mexican Vanilla Pudding to go over the fruit and then made some guac. I was so tired! But it was soooooo much fun! I crashed that nite! I lost it!
This is not a good week for me. The closer my birthday comes, the more I want to just skip this week, completely! My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on my birthday, July 29th. My dad kept telling me, I am so sorry that I found out it was cancer on your birthday! I don't want to spoil it for you! I told him it was ok, no biggie. But me in my human mind wants to scream, God why? Why my birthday? I didn't question Him why when my dad got cancer, I just kept trusting Him for the strength to get me through it, to get us all through it. But now that it has been a year, I find myself questioning and wondering why my birthday? I know it's selfish, I know it's Satan telling me these thoughts... I know I shouldn't question God, I know He has a plan and reason. I may not agree or like it, but I DO TRUST Him! I know His will and plan are perfect! We may not see it yet, but we know He is in control and He really does know what He is doing!
I've got sooooo much on my mind and heart, that I feel like I am going to explode! I talk to Curt about it and feel bad for bombing him with it all, I love you babe! Thanks for being here for me!!
Now Bob is not doing so good! He had surgery yesterday. They went in and put a port in through his head to get to his spine. Instead of doing many spinal taps for the chemo they just put a port in. He has cancer all throughout his spinal cord, so they will put the chemo right into the spine. Got an e-mail asking for prayer, he isn't doing so well.
(For those of you that don't know or don't remember, if anyone is still reading this that is, Bob and Jaime are really good friends of ours! Bob was helping my dad all through out his chemo and hospital stays! They were RIGHT there when dad found out he had cancer. One time they were even in at the hospital at the same time! I tried to steal his water bottle, but was unsuccessful! :( Anyways, GREAT couple, please keep them in your prayers!)
I still feel bad over this e-mail I got Thursday, haven't been able to get ahold of the person. My emotions and grief over my dad, and now heavy heart for Bob and Jaime!
Please don't read any of this the wrong way, I am just grieving for my dad! I feel sometimes that I really haven't and it is REALLY hitting me now! Went to visit his grave when we were out there and felt overwhelmed. Realized that he really is gone, to a much better place, but he is gone. There was a date on the stone with my dad's name on it. Now I know he isn't there in the ground, he's way better now! He told God some jokes the other nite and God laughed so hard He caused thunder! (that's what the kids say anyways!!! :D)
Think I will go find They Call Me Mellow Yellow and listen to that! haha I really am fine, I just need to grieve and cry all week, which I don't want too, but know I need too!
God, I know you are here and you are comforting me! Please help me to feel Your presence and Your arms around me! Please be with my mom and brother as they go through this too! I trust You God, I know Your ways are perfect, I know You really are in control and know what You are doing. You are my God and I will ALWAYS praise You! In the storms of life, and in the good times, I will seek You and praise You! Amen