Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Randomness (is that even a word?)

Lots on my mind, not bad, I don't think anyways! :o)

It's been hard some days for me, especially last week. Dad got the port and his 1st chemo. He was having headaches and then a bad morning on Wed. He got better that nite, but still. I wanna be there for them and help them out, but I am 12 hours away. Mom was even wondering if dad should've gotten the port because he was feeling pretty crappy. But he got his chemo through the port on Monday and it was good! The port is a thingamabob that they insert in your chest, just below your shoulder, that way whenever you need blood work, or chemo, they do it through that instead of being poked a hundred million times! (Just google power port, I am sure you will get a better definition! LOL)

Plus, I feel bad for them because they live it everyday, I don't have too. I mean, I pray for them daily, more than daily, and whenever I call them it's more real to me, but I don't have to go to Chemo every week, I don't have to see dad and how thin he is, or how sick he gets on Wednesdays... How tired he gets... They are all just reminders. BUT I am soooooo very thankful that God is in control, and they have cancer insurance, social security checks now so he doesn't have to do unemployment every week, hardly no pain, except for the Wed after chemo, and most important, that they aren't giving up or turning away from God. My parents faith is so strong right now! I am so glad that they continue to trust Him even though dad got cancer.

I am trusting God, praying for a miracle. I believe that He will heal dad if He wants too. Ok, He wants too, so I guess I should say, if it's in His plan! Funny how if for a split second something goes through my mind or am feeling down, something is said, or I read something that reminds me it's ok. We will get through this! My status for my FB is from Hebrew 11:1. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. How true is this? Ok, so if it isn't in God's plan to heal dad, will I turn away from God? No, I honestly believe that I won't! My faith in God is so much more stronger now! There have been things, even little things, that have been happening that make my faith and belief in God even more stronger! I rely on Him to get through these things, and the day even! How do people who don't believe in God get through something like this? I can't even imagine! I know mom and dad say they can just feel the power of everyone praying for them! I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit and know it is all ok! Whether we like what's going on or not! :o)

God IS in control! I trust Him because He knows what He is doing. I may not 100% agree with everything that happens, but I still cling to Him!

There is a HUGE need for volunteers to help out in the Children's Ministry at church Sunday mornings. I soooo bad want to help out, but I am still thinking about what happened. How I don't want to get hurt again. Ok, I know, selfish to not want to get hurt, and bad to judge like that. I am not really judging, but it's in the back of my head. Ya know, maybe I do suck at teaching the kids, or maybe it was just his way of telling me to "get lost" (those are my words, not his). Plus, it is kinda hard with still nursing Thad, him eating every 4 hours and all. Excuses? Call it what you will! I love our church and do want to get involved, just nervous to get more involved. Praying God will help me in that area.

1 comment:

Angela said...

We continue praying for your whole family.
God WILL heal your dad ... its just whether He does it here or in Heaven. ;)
Will be praying for your involvement at church. <3
Miss you guys!